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Click edit, then upload the rough draft of your collage essay as an attachment by 5:00pm on 12/12. Post **constructive comments** to the papers of three classmates by 8:00am on 12/13. When commenting, please remember the expectations of the assignment: the paper should contain at least two fragments, or condensed narratives, that are inspired by the same theme or idea. You should also think about the requirements for successful narrative writing: awareness of audience, unity, a clear and engaging sense of voice, clear sense of purpose, showing rather than telling, careful choice of descriptive details, discernment in word choice, purposeful sentence variety, etc. Make sure you identity yourself by name at the end of your post so that I will be aware that you completed the required task.





To Eliza from Mrs. Bator In part one, use exclamation marks a bit more sparingly. If something needs emphasis, first try to create that emphasis with your words. Also, I would look at the word choice of "**allowing** the hiccups." Also watch overuse of ellipses. They are used more effectively in dialogue. Is fragment three an extension of fragment one? If so, what was your reason for separating them? The connection between your sections needs to be stronger. Work for more authentic descriptive detail in sections one and four.







































To Kayla from Mrs. Bator: I agree with Christina's comments on the opening section of your essay. Vary your sentence structure, use more vivid language, and SHOW this part of the story (especially the parts related to the lion).